The Dream

My mind seems to never rest.  From the kids to work to my online shenanigans to family, etc. it just continues even in my sleep.  I woke up laughing this morning because of a dream I had last night.

It went a little like this:

My grandfather picked me up in a white passenger van along with a couple of other people one of which was my cousin Angel.  We were going to pick up her mother from some station.  I am assuming it was a train station.  When we get there, I see a sign that says “smuggled diamonds on sale”  just then my phone rings.  Its SLAUS.  Slaus first words are “what are we going to do with her?”  I’m a bit confused.  I ask him to explain.  He goes on to tell me that MZLIZZA had a dude smuggle diamonds in the country for her and all she did for him was cook him a meal.  Slaus was both pissed and concerned saying “she ain’t give up no ass, no sloppy top, no nothing”  That’s when I read the sign again and sure enough it advertised smuggled in diamonds, and MZLIZZA not giving up the booty in return.  It was like Slaus and I was in charge of the woman who don’t put out department.  Just when I was going to respond to him my aunt came out to get in the van and I was going to tell slaus that I had to call him back.  My phone died.

Later on in the van, I am having a discussion with my cousin.  We are sharing 58 opportunities.  In my world, opportunities are customers that I sell stuff too.  If I upgrade you or activate a new line of service for you or anything of that sort then its considered an opportunity.  Well my cousin was a little salty because she wanted all of them for herself.  I can understand that.  When you are a commissioned sales rep, its generally every man for himself, but in this case, she couldn’t handle the job so I had to help.  I was glad to do it because that would help me meet one of my many quotas for the month.  She was talking shit so we got out of the van to continue the conversation.  That’s when a very drunk URBANLEDJEN stumbles by, burps and keeps going.

We end up at a dinner spot still talking about these ops.  I would have NEVER carried a discussion or disagreement this long in real life *shrugs*

At dinner, I’m getting text messages from my mom but she thinks she is texting this guy she met on line who was really me.  A joke I was playing on someone else backfired and now my mom is pressing me (the dude) to meet.  How sick is that?

After the meal I go to throw my tray away and notice outside the window (in this cafeteria style spot) that there is a lot of freaky sneaky going on outside.  Being the snitch that I am, I notify one of the staffers on duty.  They go outside and break it up.  The offenders end up coming inside all rowdy talking shit.  The dudes were demanding certain girls go with them.  It was all good until they decided that my cousin was going to be chosen.  I raise up in protest and dude flashes a gun at me.  That’s when I reached inside my Dooney (& Burke handbag) and pull out stella.  I calmly explain “aye slick, all that bullshit you got going on is not going to involve my cousin”.  He stands there.  I fire a warning shot that whizzes past his head.  He puts the gun down.  His friend is upset at whats happening and screams “yo why you ain’t shoot that bitch?!”   That’s when he had to take one to the chest.  After that my gun jammed (which it NEVER EVER DOES)  I correct the situation and shot three more of his crew.  (they weren’t threatening anybody but at that point I figured 1.  I was going to jail anyway might as well rid of world of a few fuck ups, 2.  I love the sound of gun fire, 3.  It was fun)

There were sirens after that and the officers swarmed in.  The one that was coming at me gun to my face pissed like I had just took him away from a mean bowl of cap’n crunch with crunch berries, was my internet crush.  I woke up to my alarm on my phone telling me it was time to get up and get ready to pick massa’s cotton today.

Have you ever dreamt about your internet friends?